Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
