His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
