I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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