I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
