i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
