yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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