Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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