you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
