Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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