Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
