this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
