you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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