I am spending my child support on dildos
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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