Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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