so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
