guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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