the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
