nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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