why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
