Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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