Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
