I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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