I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
COCAINE IS GR8
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
