Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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