I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
