watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So vagazzling was a success
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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