girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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