Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ladies don't puke and tell
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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