Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
