it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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