Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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