suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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