Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
