Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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