you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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