Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
