hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
barbara walters just said penis...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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