i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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