She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
