I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
