I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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