Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
