she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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