Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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