Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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