yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
