Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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