Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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