I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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