There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
